How to Love A Monster
In which my dad learns about purses and jeans sizes.
My dad: Your sister's crazy. Who'd want a $200 purse?
Me: She does.
My dad: What is it with ladies purses, anyway?
Me: (glancing at my purse) What do you mean?
My dad: How did that start--I mean, why do women use them? Doesn't it get tiring carrying a bag around all the time?
Me: (stands up and turns around) See those pockets?
My dad: ... Yes?
Me: What can I fit in them?
My dad: What?
Me: How many things do you think I could fit in my pockets? Honestly. How many things?
My dad: Doesn't look like you could fit much.
Me: A pack of Orbit, some folded bills, and that's about it. That's why we use purses--because we can't carry our shit in our pockets like you do.
My dad: But I can fit my wallet, my keys, and my cigarettes in my pockets!
Me: And your jeans also fit the way they should.
My dad: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean?
Me: Your jeans are sized by, what, your inseam and waist, right?
My dad: ... Aren't yours?
Me: I'm a size 3.
My dad: 3 what?
Me: No, just a 3. A size 3.
My dad: What does that mean?
Me: I actually have no idea. I'm a size 3 in these jeans. In some other jeans, I'm a 5. I'm a 7 in my favorite pair of shorts.
My dad: Wait, it's not the same?
Me: Nope. A size 3 in one brand's jeans is completely different from a size 3 in another brand.
My dad: That's fucking stupid! How do you shop for them?!
Me: With great difficulty. This is why when you ask me what I did during the week and despite the fact I know you won't care I sometimes tell you I found a pair of jeans. Because finding a pair of jeans that fit and fit well is like finding the Holy Grail with your name encrusted in diamonds on it

palmist:

i love this blooper 

beben-eleben:

Japanese Food Porn

joeyjoe69:

seeing assholes u used to be friends with like

image

kiarasnaps:

Laverne: Nicole, does your belief system now change, in which you now know you don’t need him to be there? 
Nicole: No. I think what happens is it turns into less a conversation about my blackness and more about relating to humanity, because that’s really what we’re trying to do. We’re just realizing that people are capable of doing it. We’re underestimating people because people said we weren’t viable. 
[x]

washingtonpost:

Hand gestures of protest around the world.
Mark looking up at your icon and URL, and loving the person he sees
valhallamage:

rlaph:

when you delete someone’s number then they text you and don’t wanna ask who it is

reblog to save a life,… or just to prevent an unwanted conversation

valhallamage:

rlaph:

when you delete someone’s number then they text you and don’t wanna ask who it is

reblog to save a life,… or just to prevent an unwanted conversation

For more than 200 years we Owens women have been blamed by everything that’s ever gone wrong in this town.